"This School Has Been Our Sanity:" Meet HIH Graduate Amal Hayek

Some stories of transformation begin on the first day of preschool and never end.

Meet Amal Hayek: He attended the Max Rayne HIH Jerusalem school from age 3 to 18, and is now a parent to two HIH Haifa preschoolers. Along the way Amal has been a constant ambassador of Hand in Hand’s mission, whether on the field as a junior pro soccer player, at work developing educational materials for classrooms across the country, or in university classes where he’s completing an MA in International Relations. Amal’s story exemplifies the profound, intergenerational impact of our work.

We recently sat down with Amal Hayek to hear more about his years at Hand in Hand, how his education has impacted him, and why he has chosen to continue his Hand in Hand journey as a parent. Below is a transcript of the interview, which has been edited for clarity:

“My name is Amal Hayek. I’m 29 year-old. I’m originally from Jerusalem, but I live in Haifa now. I have two children: Daniella (4.5) and Millan (2), and they both attend the Hand in Hand Haifa preschool.

My two siblings and I are all graduates of the Hand in Hand Max Rayne Jerusalem School. My older sister was in the first cohort to graduate from the school, and my parents were part of the group that founded the school. I joined Hand in Hand in preschool, and graduated from 12th grade in 2013. 

When I was a toddler, my mother worked as a nurse at Ein-Karem Hospital in Jerusalem, and she sent me to a Jewish daycare at the hospital, where all of the other children and staff spoke in Hebrew, and celebrated Jewish holidays, etc. Because of this, I couldn’t speak Arabic. I understood Arabic because it was spoken at home, but I could not speak it.

Joining the HIH preschool provided me with a more accurate and honest reflection of the society I lived in. One of my first memories at Hand in Hand is listening to music in a multitude of languages. I remember the teachers speaking both languages. I remember other parents coming in and speaking Amharic to their children. I remember being exposed to a plethora of languages and cultures. It was a colorful, diverse setting. This is how I remember the earliest years of my childhood.

I started to develop more of a low-level social and political awareness around the age of 10. That’s also when I started playing soccer, so my parents signed me up to the “HaPo’el Jersualem” soccer club, which includes many Arab players, and is known for advancing coexistence between Arabs and Jews. 

I think this is when I first started to feel a serious contrast between the reality outside of school, and inside the school walls. At school, I learned about the importance of values like tolerance and acceptance, and we viewed and dissected the events happening outside the school through a unique lens. We learned to truly understand narratives of those who are different from us. We learned that these different narratives can exist simultaneously, even if they contradict each other. We don’t need to solve every discrepancy between them, because they can coexist. 

“We learned that these different narratives can exist simultaneously, even if they contradict each other. We don’t need to solve every discrepancy between them, because they can coexist.”

Unfortunately history tends to repeat itself. Every time there was a war or military operation, we always retreated to our safe and secure bubble at school, where we felt there were no material differences between us.

But outside of Hand in Hand, and even in soccer practice, for example, things were very different. Even though the soccer club was diverse, I became exposed to ways of thinking that were foreign to me, and didn’t align with my beliefs. But we always spoke about this contrast at school. During times of heightened tension, the teachers had us engage in dialogue and discussions, and we shared our narratives, emotions, and thoughts. We could discuss what we saw on the news, or what we experienced at home. This dialogue always brought us to a place of successful, active listening, where we could hear all the different thoughts and opinions without judging them. This is one of the main reasons why I wanted my children to attend a Hand in Hand school. It’s true that Hand in Hand is a sort of bubble, but it’s a bubble that instills values we would not have otherwise learned to embody. 

I have met people I don’t agree with, and even people who hold racist views, and truthfully, I have a hard time judging them. Yes, I disagree with them, but I can’t help but try and understand them first and foremost. I ask myself where they may be coming from—is it ignorance or a lack of understanding? I never judge a person before I get to know them, and I credit this ability to my time at Hand in Hand. 

If each person continues to hold the belief that theirs is the only valid and justified opinion, then we can never have a real discussion. The important thing is not the discussion itself, but a person’s capacity to engage in one. When I choose to enter a conversation with someone, I engage with them based on the values I grew up on—acceptance and tolerance. This helps me tremendously during difficult times, as a person and as a parent.

I’ve always played soccer in lots of diverse settings. I’ve never felt that my preconceived notions about someone prevented me from having a real conversation with them, or to at least understand if there’s potential for a meaningful connection.

“When I choose to enter a conversation with someone, I engage with them based on the values I grew up on—acceptance and tolerance.“

I’ve always felt like I exist in a sort of intersection of identities. When I was in my own community, I’d sometimes hear other Arab kids make disparaging remarks about Jews, and it saddened me. What kind of environment are they growing up in, and what kind of life will they lead? What will their opinions be in the future, and how will those opinions make them act? And this is true in Jewish society as well. The resentment and distrust is there. But existing in between both these identities and groups makes you ask questions, and raise doubts, and explore the deeper meaning of things.

In 2014, when I was in middle school, there was an arson attack at our school. They sprayed awful, violent graffiti messages on the school walls, and it was terrible to see. At soccer practice, I saw a kid who I’d seen around the school right after the arson attack. I understood that he was friends with the perpetrators—the ones who committed the arson attack. I went up to him, and spoke to him, and we had an honest and difficult conversation. But once he realized that I attend the Hand in Hand school, and that he knows me, he started to soften up, and his whole demeanor changed. The conversation with me got him to reconsider things. He expressed remorse for what had happened, and said he hadn’t thought about it enough, and he actually didn’t agree with what had been done. The conversation really changed how he thinks, and this could only have been achieved through open communication.

Hand in Hand has also greatly impacted my ability to make a difference. I work at CET (Center for Educational Technology) in Tel Aviv, and I’m also completing my Master’s in International Relations at Bar-Ilan University. In my job, I’m involved in designing programs teaching Hebrew as a second language in Arab society. I manage lots of projects, and one of them advances Hebrew-teaching programs in Arab high schools. I’m also completing my thesis in international relations, and specifically focusing on political culture and national security in the Middle East. I’ve been reading texts from all over the Middle East—Lebanon, Egypt, Israel, Gaza, etc. I always approach these texts neutrally, with an ability to form a truly objective opinion. I don’t brush people or opinions off just because I don’t agree with them. I always put myself in the shoes of the person who wrote the article.

I truly believe in the concept behind Hand in Hand, but I also think it’s practical and applicable in our reality. These schools offer tools that help students become independent, critical thinkers. There is no better place if that’s what you’re looking for. 

I had no doubt in my mind that I would send my kids to Hand in Hand. I contacted Michael (Editor’s note: Michael Farjoun, Principal of the HIH Haifa preschool) and asked him if there was an available spot for my daughter Daniella.

“As parents and students, we feel Hand in Hand is a place we can count on, where we know our children will be safe, and will be taught the values we believe in. In our current reality, nothing could be more important.”

I want my children to be truly able to see and judge people and their reality in a complex and nuanced way. I want them to be able to see groups and collectives as complex things, and strive to understand these complexities. I want them to really get to know everything and everyone in their immediate surroundings—people who speak other languages, and have other opinions—and to be able to view them as human beings, without judging them, just as they wouldn’t want to be judged. This is easier to do in Haifa than Jerusalem, because Haifa is a pretty integrated city. We live in a neighborhood full of Muslims, Christians, Ethiopian Jews, immigrants, etc.

I want my children to understand that there is a big difference between the reality outside the school walls, and what they experience every day at school. And I want them to know that this education is their compass, and what should be guiding them—when they meet new people, and navigate their reality. 

A year ago, when Danielle joined the preschool, we actually moved from Jerusalem to Haifa, so that she could attend the Haifa preschool. Beforehand we lived on the outskirts of Jerusalem, and there was one incident where we went to the playground, and another boy who was Jewish wanted to play with her. His father heard us speaking in Arabic, and immediately pulled his son away and told him, ‘No, no.’ At the time Daniella didn’t speak any Hebrew. I asked myself, is this the environment I want my daughter to grow up in? I don’t have a real answer, but I do know I want my daughter to be able speak Hebrew and Arabic. Now, my daughter hears Hebrew, Arabic, and English at school. She comes home and tells me about her friends Lia and Yasmeen and Ayala and Roni, and she has no idea there are any differences between them. It’s very pure.

Hand in Hand offers our children a rare environment where they are exposed to so many languages, and get to know lots of different types of people. This is the foundation they are growing up on—one that is pure, and based on true inclusion. It’s immensely fulfilling. As parents and students, we feel Hand in Hand is a place we can count on, where we know our children will be safe, and will be taught the values we believe in. In our current reality, nothing could be more important.”